Subject:
Switchblade Kisses... [ 10th Jul 2004 | 1:20am ]
[music |
Zeromancer - Need You Like a Drug ]
[mood |
Lustful ]
I started self-mutilating fairly
early. I was 12 years old - in fact, it was on my 12th birthday.
Self-mutilation quickly became my
religion - it is my God, it is my faith, my redemption, my salvation. Self-mutilation
and the purge it allows me, the release it gives me, is the method I use
to cleanse myself. It’s similar to the Victorian obsession with leeches
and bleeding, I reckon. It isn't that different. Self-Mutiliation is just
the modern (well, not so modern, really) equivalent of a sadistic old doctor
with a well-used, battered, black leather bag and a jar full of ravenous
leeches. I'm sure this neurotic, highly-strung woman would have been a
regular visitor to such a doctor had she been around in that era.
The way I like to do it is very regimented.
My ritual goes like this -
First, I must be stressed to the
point of screaming, which, in my line of work (psychoanalysis) isn't hard
to reach. If I am stressed to that extent, then the release I obtain from
the cutting and bleeding is all the greater.
Everything has to be set out just
so. I always shower first and swab the area I am about to cut with an antiseptic
solution.
[SAFETY IS ESSENTIAL, PEOPLE! IF
YOU INDULGE IN BLOODPLAY, PLEASE STAY SAFE, K?]
The room must be warm and I must
be naked. There must be the flickering light from many black candles that
cast long, dark, languid shadows on the walls that look like lovers basking
in an after-glow embrace. I must sit on the edge of my bed, in front of
my full-length mirror. I run my hands over my body, caress my warm sensuous
curves and feel the goose flesh rise on my skin at my own skilful touch.
The blade I use is a surgical scalpel
blade, sterilized and safe inside hermetically sealed packaging.
One of my favourite places to cut
is around the edge of my areola. I make a tiny incision around the top
edge of my nipple and I watch in the mirror as the trickle of blood makes
its way down over the stiffening bud and I can feel the heat of my own
spill as it travels slowly over my flesh.
My breasts are large enough that
I can bend my head forward and lap at the blood with my hot tongue. The
taste of that piquant metal is like a pristine-pharmaceutical head-rush.
It makes my eyelids flutter and my heart beat faster. It makes my breath
come in short gasps and it makes me wet. It makes me, sometimes - just
sometimes - wish I had a permanent significant other here with me to share
in my ecstasy.
If only *somebody* could make me
feel the way I feel when I cut.
If only *somebody* could make me
feel the torrent of pleasure the red bliss fills me with.
If only.
Lovers come and go but my scars are
forever.
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments
-
From | Bastard_Nihilist | 10th
July 2004 | 07:18am
Oh great, *just* what we need -
another fucking mopey, tragically-gawth bitch who cuts herself and bleeds
in public about it. I’m so stoked. I’ll be back here real soon to pour
over your every word whilst wanking myself into a stupor at your perfect
purpleness. Not. Please die quickly and quietly.
From | Kinder_Horror_666
| 10th July 2004 | 9.47pm
Welcome to JiveJournal Blood~Bitch!
This place is really cool, but some of the residents are assholes - just
like any neighborhood.
;-)
I’m looking forward to reading more
of your posts.
From | *Princess*Dark*Raven* |
11th July 2004 | 6:57pm
hi i cut 2 i love the taste of my
own blood i’m hoping 2 find a donor soon kids at school all think i am
weerd i don’t care i like it i hope i can find an immortal vampire 2 embrace
me and bring me over 2 the darkness when i am older but not 2 old cuz i
dont wanna spend eternitey lookin all old adn rinklee do u no where i can
find a reel vampire
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 11th
July 2004 | 8:48pm
Oh, Lordy! If I did know a real
vampire, I most certainly would not inflict you upon them for an eternity.
Regardless of how old you are, your spelling, grammar and lack of punctuation
and capitalization are appalling. An eternity of posts like that would
drive me to slash my own wrists... the right way. And I don't mean for
pleasure either!
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 11th July 2004 | 11.17pm
You sick fucking bitch. You better
knock this shit off pretty damn fast or I'll make sure you do, personally.
That's a promise, by the way, not a threat. I ain't playing either; I'll
fuck your shit up if you don't do as I tell you.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 11th
July 2004 | 11.42pm
Yes, sir! I shall cease and desist
at once because you, a man so brave he will not sign his name, tells me
to. Oh, yes, yes, indeed, I shall stop immediately. You are the lord and
master of blogdom. I must comply, forthwith. Mmmmyes.
You'll fuck my shit up, will you?
And what exactly does fucking shit up entail, pray tell? Is that some sort
of paraphilia? Does it involve masturbating with my faeces? How bizarre.
Maybe you should come see me on a professional basis. Sounds like you're
in need of a little therapy, mister.
;oP
Shouldn't you be in school at this
time of day, sonny?
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
From | ~BloodLover69~ | 12th July
2004 | 5.01am
Your blog is wonderful. Thank you
for sharing your thoughts. It’s beautiful and I know exactly how you feel
because I feel the same way.
I’ll be back here soon to read more!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Subject:
Feed that Fetish, Drink Your Fill... [ 12th Jul 2004 | 9:30am ]
[music |
Carfax Abbey - Ketamine ]
[mood |
Contemplative ]
Blood is an acquired taste and not
everybody who has the urge or the desire to try it out for their self likes
it once they have indulged. Some people over do it on the first occasion;
blood is a purgative so if you ingest too much whilst losing your vampiric
virginity it will more than likely make you vomit, or at least feel terribly
nauseous. Go easy on your first trip out to paint the town red.
Blood.
The smell.
The texture.
The taste.
The combination of wet and dry, sticky
and hot, when you rub it between your fingers, over your lips, into your
skin, is interesting, exciting, sensual. The very stuff of human life;
it is what pumps through our beating hearts and carries itself to our vital
organs, carries oxygen to the brain, it is what clots to save us from losing
to much of that precious potion should our skins be breached by accident
or by deliberate force or by act of God.
The blood is the life.
The sharpness - that hit of bitter
metal that itself feels like a blade, then turns to warm, liquid honey
as it slides luxuriously down your throat.
Blood is God and God is bleeding.
Drinking from yourself is fine, but
drinking from somebody else is divine. That embrace, warm bodies entwined
and writhing together, exchanging sweat and hormones, hot, wet flesh getting
hotter and wetter. And when the blade slides in, that delicious little
cry of momentary pain. Your Blood Doll sees his or her self reflected in
your eyes, mirroring your anticipation and your desire, hearts thundering
together as they watch you watching the red river crawl over their skin.
You lower your head so slowly, drawing out the divine agony of the wait
- for you and for them - you revel in the arch of their back as they press
their body so hard against yours it’s as if they’re trying to get inside
you.
The first lick is fast - just a
taste, a tiny ambrosiac morsel that makes you close your eyes and smile.
It calms and enflames all at once.
And then you drink.
You drink deeply.
And then you kiss. Hot mouths pressed
so hard against each other that you can feel their pulse throbbing in time
with yours, blood and saliva mixing and running like red wine, staining
crisp white linen like a first-time fuck.
God, can there be a drug in existence
that could give me the rush that drinking blood gives me?
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
Comments
-
From | InSaneCloWnPoSseFan5842
| 12th July 2004 | 10:29am
sick bitch u r insane
From | SonjaBlue86 | 12th July
2004 | 11.56pm
Hell yeah! :o)= You should write
a book of this stuff! I’d buy it!
From | ~BloodLover69~ | 13th July
2004 | 11.27am
Wow. What can I say? You write beautifully,
Blood~Bitch. I’m gonna go wake my husband up and read this to him.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessed Be.
From | GothicRuin | 13th July
2004 | 1.40pm
I remember my first time. It was
just like you described it. And the fantastic thing is, that every time
is like that. Every time feels like the first time. Drinking blood gives
me the same head rush too. I certainly couldn’t go too long without doing
it. Every couple months I have to have some or I get a little cranky.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Subject:
Menstruation is Bloody Marvellous... [ 13th July 2004 | 4:30pm ]
[music |
NIN - Starfuckers, Inc. ]
[mood |
Dark ]
OK, this entry is about WOMEN
BLEEDING FROM THEIR NETHER REGIONS. If that’s offensive to you, for
gawd’s sake, don’t read any further. You have been warned. Don't let the
screen door hit you in the ass on your way out.
Right, now that they’ve all gone,
and since I’m a hormonal, bleeding bitch today, we’ll talk about sex and
menstruation.
Personally, I love sex when I’m bleeding
like a stuck pig. The sensation is different. It’s drier, therefore the
friction is much more pronounced. I love the heat of that friction. It
makes me a little bit sore for a couple of days, but the pleasure it gives
me is worth the discomfort.
Going down. There's nothing quite
like your partner going down on you when you're bleeding! It's especially
good if they have a bloodfetish too. Their moans of pleasure are a further
turn on - it's as if they are partaking of a ripe and exotic fruit, the
juices flowing over their lips and down their chin, and then they kiss
you. Oh, God, when they kiss you and you can taste the potency of your
own hormone-soaked blood in your mouth from theirs, it is quite simply
heavenly.
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
Comments
-
From | MuddledMindGirl | 13th
July 2004 | 5.56pm
Wow. You're very lucky. I can't
get my boo to come near me when I'm on my period, never mind go down on
me. Bastard.
From | GothicRuin | 13th July
2004 | 8.22pm
I'm lucky. Both my boyfriend and
my girlfriend love bloody sex. You should try it with more than one blood
fiend at the same time. If you can angle your pelvis correctly, one can
tongue-fuck you while the other sucks your clit. It's fucking amazing!
This blog rocks, Blood~Bitch! I'm so glad I found it!
Long may you reign!
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 13th July 2004 | 11.15pm
You sick fucking cunt. Somebody
should cut your head off and stump fuck
your neck, you twisted bitch. I
hope you get aids and die.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 13th
July 2004 | 11.58pm
My, what an unusual name you have,
Mr. Motherfucker.com. And your eloquence
is quite staggering. Somebody should
nominate you for the position of Poet Laureate.
Oh, and I've shat scarier pieces
of shit than you.
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 14th July 2004 | 7.59am
You got dick, bitch! You better
watch your fucking mouth or I'll shut your shit down. You and your type
are spreading this filth all over the net and giving us real writers a
bad name. It's a good job you don't got no talent or some idiot might take
you seriously. Don't make me give you my undivided attention, you fucking
whore. You wouldn't want that, believe me. I know some important people.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 14th
July 2004 | 9.55am
"...don't got no talent..."
Quite. I would agree that I 'don't'
got 'no talent' and that double negative indeed confirms you recognise
my enormous gift. Heheheh!
"I know some important people."
Medication time. Medication time.
Pass the horse tranquilizers, will ya?
You should be on the stage, dude!
You're hilarious!
LOL!
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Subject:
Foreign Objects... [ 14th Jul 2004 | 2:17pm ]
[music |
Anathema - Lost Control ]
[mood |
Aggressive ]
OK, it's not *exactly* a Bloodplay
subject per se, but to me it is related in the sense that the whole point
of changing one's flesh - be it via tattoos, brandings, scarifications,
piercings etc- are a modification of the body and, Bloodplay, the result
of a Bloodfetish is the modification of the inner self, the id, the ego,
the quiddity. The act of Bloodplay alters the state of one's emotions,
just as the act of modifying the body alters not only the physical being
of the modifier but also the spiritual essence of the modifier also.
Some body modifiers report having
what they classify as a religious experience when having a procedure done.
These procedures, be they invasive or surface, are generally carried out
with no anaesthesia and therefore there can be severe pain to be endured.
We all know that pain makes our brain release chemicals called endorphins
and adrenaline - the body's natural pain killers - and that the release
of these chemicals can create a feeling of euphoria. Couple that natural
high with the elation that one is changing one's own body, modifying it,
making it new, turning it into a work of art in constant progress, one
that will never be completed and always ongoing, and you have a formula
for not just a body-changing experience, but also a life-changing experience.
I am a body modifier.
I have had 20 procedures done, none
of which are visible when I'm wearing my ordinary daily clothes - a nice
fitted business suit I sit in and get creased every day while I'm listening
to my client's neuroses and psychoses, listening to them pitching a bitch
and freaking the fuck out about this, that and the other. Not one of them
would ever, ever, ever guess that I am constantly changing my own body.
Neither would they guess that my constant fidgeting and leg crossing and
uncrossing is not a sign of a nervous disposition, but me breaking the
monotony by making the ball ends of my labial piercings rub against my
clit.
I have one client who is a body modifier
also. He tells me that he does not like what he had done to his body and
I asked him why on earth does he do it then? He told me that he was compelled
to do it because he hated himself, he told me he did it because he 'felt
dark inside,' and he thought that was what people who were 'dark inside'
did. Fucking, please. Dark inside? What the fuck does that mean? Dark inside.
Really.
He went on to tell me that he hated
the pain. He hated the way his (minor) modifications looked and felt against
his skin, especially since he has an aversion to metallic objects. (Don't
ask. I didn't.) He told me that he could not stop these trips to his local
BM studio even although he hated himself after he did it and always swore
that the last time would be the last time.
Now, this is an interesting scenario
for a psychoanalyst. Quite fascinating. I put it to him that he was using
the trips to the BM shop to punish himself for whatever it was he felt
he'd done that he shouldn't have. I asked him to go back through his memory
and find what it was he did that he was punishing himself for.
He didn't even answer me. He left
with a smile on his face, pumped my hand furiously and thanked me about
a hundred times. He said that he understood now. I'm glad someone did.
I never saw him again after that.
Anyhow, that little ditty aside,
the reason I have had several body modifications done is quite simple -
I fucking love pain and I love the way that my body looks different and
is constantly changing. And it has never been about self-hatred for me-
quite the opposite, actually. It has always been because I love myself.
I am not vain. I do not mean that I think I am beautiful or special or
any of that, just that I am comfortable in my own modified skin. My modifications
are like a gift to myself, something I do when I think I have reached a
goal, when I have achieved something, something I do when I think I deserve
a treat. My next treat to myself is going to be a corset piercing. If you
don't know what a corset piercing looks like, go here -
Cool-Ass
Corset Piercing Pic
Pain gets me off more than anything
in the world. More than any meaty stab. More than any fist-fuck. More than
any tongue-on-clit action and finger-fucking ministrations, or any other
sexual act you could care to name. Nothing, I repeat, *nothing on earth*
can make me as wet or as hot as pure, unadulterated pain, the undiluted
pain, the fucking pristine-clean agony of the pain that comes with body
modification.
Sins of the flesh cannot compare
to the act of changing the skin you are in.
Nothing. In. The. Fucking. World.
Like. It. Period.
Take a nipple piercing, for instance.
When you feel that deep kiss of cold steel mosquito clamps pressing the
flesh on your tit together you know that the pain will come soon. You know
that the hollow needle is imminent, the keen stab is coming, and then the
rush of adrenaline and endorphins hits you like a loving fist in the gut,
and then the euphoria kicks in.
Another shiny new piercing to add
to your collection of beatific modifications is complete.
When I leave the BM studio I feel
like a goddess, a goddess who's naked body glints in the candle lit gloom
when I stand naked in front of the mirror. My body is a celestial body,
a body that shines like a star in the night sky. My body is a temple and
if you are allowed entry to my inner sanctum, then you must worship me.
You got that, motherfuckers?
:o)=
This will be my last post until next
week; I'm heading off for BodModCon in Seattle which runs from Friday until
Monday. I'll be doing a lecture there on Body Modification.
[Note: There are dozens and dozens
of lectures and presentations over the con week so you won't know which
one is me and if you come up to me and ask me if I have a Bloodfetish blog
on the internet, I will of course look at you as if you have 17 heads,
bad breath, and a booger hanging out yer nose, K? K.]
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
Comments
-
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 14th July 2004 | 6.55pm
I'll see ya there, cunt. You want
pain? I'll give you pain like you've never dreamed of. If pain gets you
wet, I'll make you die screaming my name, bitch.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 14th
July 2004 | 9.29pm
Oooooh! You certainly know how to
sweet talk a girl - I am already wet with anticipation. Not.
:o/
You couldn't fucking handle me. I
eat tiny penises like you for breakfast, with a side order of pussy-ass
motherfuckers. That's the sort of talk you understand, isn't it?
Go play with somebody your own age
before I take you over my knee and spank you, 'lil bitch.
Go on. Run along now.
Shoo, fly, shoo!
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 14th July 2004 | 9.31pm
You're gonna wish you hadn't tried
to make a fool outta me. Don't like guys, huh? You're gonna like them even
less when I get done with you, you bull-dyke, pussy-eating cunt.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 14th
July 2004 | 9.46pm
"bull-dyke, pussy-eating cunt"
What an absolutely charming turn
of phrase. Are you a writer? How gifted you are. And yeah, I do eat pussy,
but I also suck plenty cock too - especially ones with a big silver Prince
Albert skewering the head. C'est delicieux, Monsieur Motherfucker.com!
But *you* will never have me so get
the fuck over it, alright?
Oh, and judging by the time on my
last post and the time on your post, you must be sitting there 24/7 re-loading
the page, hanging on my every word. Awwww, bless.
You've got it bad for me, don't you?
LMFAO!
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 14th July 2004 | 9.48pm
You're fucking dead.
From | mindyourown.goddamnbusiness@motherfucker.com
| 20th July 2004 | 12.02pm
I told you I was gonna shut that
cunt up. And I did. She expired long and hard and didn't so much like the
sorta pain I gave her. Yeah, you heard me right. I killed that dirty pussy-eating
cunt.
From | *The~Blood~Bitch* | 20th
July 2004 | 12.24pm
"I killed that dirty pussy-eating
cunt."
Really? Wow. Which dirty pussy-eating
cunt was that? And don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
Not sure what you've been up to but
whatever it was it wasn't with me. And talking of fucking people's shit
up, my stats tracker automatically logs IPs. Oh, and, nearly forgot to
mention - I have a node tracker too. You live in a tiny little trailer
park in BFE.
If you look out your window you'll
see one pissed off fucking bitch standing there at the end of your drive.
Bend over, little doggie, you're
about to get royally fucked. I'm strapping one on right now.
Never fuck with a fucker, asshole
- you'll end up getting fucked.
Love & Razors...
*The~Blood~Bitch*
© Alex
Severin 2004
